Successful Strategies for Reducing Holiday Stress

In the United States the period between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day is described as the "Holiday Season." It is a time when families and friends often gather. Most of the focus in the community, the stores, and in the media centers on Christmas. It is the season of giving, of good will, of "Joy to the World" and "Peace on Earth." At least this is what we are socialized to expect to experience. For too many, joy and peace are displaced by increased anxiety, pressure, and despair.

December is a particularly stressful time of year. The least amount of daylight is available with which to nourish our bodies. Holiday parties encourage overeating and excess alcohol consumption. Traffic congestion, parking difficulties, crowded stores, long lines, and more, all contribute to shortened tempers.

The spirit of giving, for some, becomes the pressure of obligation to give gifts they are unable to afford. "Duty" visits among estranged family members heightens tension. Holiday stress may worsen existing physical and emotional problems or be the beginning of these problems. At this time of year people tend to feel more deeply the loss of loved ones who have passed away. Others feel the pain of broken relationships more powerfully. Individuals who are depressed may experience their depression more intensely as they observe the gaiety around them.

Some people are unable to find meaning in the season, particularly Christmas. For Christians, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Non-Christians may find other meaning in Christmas. But if you don't have a meaningful purpose for this holiday, you may have a sense of emptiness that tugs at your mood and pulls you down.

Under stress we tend to think less clearly and to problem solve less effectively. As a result, we see a narrower set of options with which to cope.

The solution to reducing your holiday stress may be as straightforward as having the understanding ear of a friend listen to your thoughts and feelings. It may mean giving yourself permission to slow down, to set priorities, to say "no," to delegate, to not have to "do it all."

It is helpful to identify what is within your control and outside your control (internally vs. externally created stress) and then use this information to purposely plan, prioritize, and pace yourself. "Common sense," or the basic level of useful knowledge we need to help us live in a reasonable, safe way, is a phrase we often use to describe these actions. "Wisdom," which means making good judgments and decisions, is a more powerful concept. Practicing wisdom adds further value when choosing your actions. As you decide on gifts for others, consider your options for avoiding debt. With advanced planning and creativity you can effectively manage this stress. Set aside money each week for your holiday shopping. The formal way is through your bank's Holiday Club savings program. Limit your gift list and the amount you spend on each person. When you stay within that budget, you finish your shopping debt free.

Give some gifts that are relationship oriented or are gifts of service instead of a new position or thing. Does your spouse like foot massages, back rubs, or to have a bubble bath drawn? Give "coupons" for them. You give of yourself and make intimate time for your relationship. Homemade coupons can be given for all kinds of services: shoveling snow, mowing lawns, cleaning, or preparing a favorite meal. Open up your imagination to the possibilities.

Practice boundaries with family members. Limit those "duty" visits, redefine them, or avoid them altogether. Learn to say "no" and how to stick to your no. Look at the relationship expectations put upon you by family members and decide if they are expectations you want to continue to fulfill. Maybe a duty visit can be redefined as a gift you choose to give with grace out of thoughtfulness and kindness to a miserable or lonely relative. Maybe it is time to let go of old traditions and start new ones. In setting healthy boundaries you can let go of anger, fear and guilt while putting pleasure back into your holidays.

Excess food and alcohol consumption can be avoided by choosing to include the senses of smell, sight, touch, and hearing, along with taste in your merry making. Nutrition experts suggest one way to take charge of your holiday diet is to moderately enjoy foods you eat only at this time of year and leave the more common fare off your plate.

If you are dealing with loss you need to give yourself permission to take some time to feel your grief rather than deny your true experience and act out a false self. Then balance this with choosing some action for finding meaning in today. Consider how you might give your talents, time, or other resources to someone in need.

Non-Christians who feel imposed upon by the amount of attention given to a holiday they don't celebrate may value from shifting their attention from this intrusion to trying on new ways of nurturing themselves and their families with alternative plans.

If these solutions are not enough, or if you get stuck making them work for you, consider seeking the help of a professional counselor with expertise in your area of need. If relationship issues are the problem, seek out someone who specializes in healing relationships. Similarly, if you struggle with debt, depression, or loss, find a professional who specializes in your specific problem. Avoid unnecessary suffering by getting the help you need to put pleasure back into your life during the holidays and all throughout the year.

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